Neither Do You

As always, most of our religious sermons circle around women. Sometimes I think, are we really any different from the West who are so obsessed with women ? Anyhow, the point is, we as a Muslim nation, are greatly focused on how girls should dress, talk and live, without paying much attention to the grooming of their superior counter parts. I wonder why … are they not worth it or are they the holy cows ?

There was a time, not so long ago, that the girls were so suppressed that as daughters they would be fed less, educated less, entertained less, pampered less but only clothed more, of course. A minority of the parents went to such an extreme that they would love their daughters less too, rather maintain a strict attitude towards them, giving the reasoning that since they are bound to face abuse in their future marital life, let us make them used to it from the beginning onwards so that they do not get hurt later on. Wow ! Gruesome !

By the Grace of Allah Almighty, a social change started to ripple and people began to talk about the blessing of daughters and loving their daughters and daughters being the favorites. Sadly, this ideology, which has its roots in Islam, was not surfaced by the Muslims, but by the West who, for some reason, are aggressively protecting the female in this era. However, despite the great femme fatale movement, the mothers-in-law remained religiously staunch to their classical culture of oppressing, suppressing and abusing the daughter-in-law.

That’s why the daughters of the 90s faced a big problem ! They had been loved and pampered by their parents, but they encountered mothers-in-law who had seen a different culture and who continued with their version of the culture.

Now the problem worsened when the daddy’s girl, when abused, would pick up the phone and call her daddy or mommy and speak out her heart to what was happening to her at the in-laws. In the classical culture, the daddy was supposed to say, ‘Patience daughter patience! You left our house in a carriage and must leave your husband’s house only in a coffin …’ Please note, husband’s house. All her life, she is supposed to live in someone’s house … who can kick her out any time in his life at his moment’s whim or his Mama’s whim. 

But today’s Daddy would get angry. He might ask to speak to the husband, or to the mother-in-law, or he might even ask his daughter to pack up and be ready as he was coming to pick up his darling daughter. Now this attitude has become a sour point for many amongst us.

So now there has begun a great counter movement saying, love your daughter but don’t spoil her. Let her flounder. Let her find her feet. Let her grow. Let her become strong on her own. Let her make her space in her husband’s home. Hey but I was told since childhood that this house, my parent’s house, is not my house actually. My house is somewhere out there, where I would go after my Prince Charming weds me. So when finally I go to my own house, after my wedding, am I supposed to struggle to make my own home, my home ? Wolla ! Are there any intruders in there or what ?

The bottom line is, they say to the girl’s parents …

‘Don’t interfere with the newly married couple. Leave them alone. Let them adjust. Let them live their life …’

Well, not a bad idea actually. But why not for you ?

Why doesn’t anyone give this brilliant suggestion to the boy’s family ? To the mother-in-law ? To the sister-in-law ? To the neighbors-in-law ?

If the girl’s parents do not have the right to interfere in the newly wedded couple’s life, neither do you !!

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