You must have heard the word Jahaiz a lot in our society. If it is your girl getting married, the word has an apprehensive foreboding to it, but if it is your boy getting married, then the word has a strange excitement and expectation attached to it, except for those who are honorable, yes honorable.
If you pick up the Arabic dictionary and search for the word Jahaiz, you will find it in two broad meanings; things of need and preparation for something. It could be things and preparation for anything, ranging from travel, wedding, war to death. Yes, a burial preparation is also referred to as Tajheez, evolving from the same root letters as that of Jahaiz.
The literal meaning of Jahaiz thus settled so, we can now move on to the contextual meaning of Jahaiz in our society and its history. Jahaiz has its roots in the Hindu civilization where the bride brought along a lot of household items for her new home. This was her share instead of inheritance. Hence came the concept of Baraat, which comprised of a large group of strong men who would be needed to transport the Jahaiz back to the bridegroom’s place. In Islam, females inherit. And in a Muslim wedding, there is only the Nikah-Rukhsati and Valima. The bride’s family is not even supposed to host the wedding dinner (it is the bridegroom’s responsibility), so how come they became burdened with the responsibility of furnishing an entire new home?
The stance of the pro-Jahaiz Muslim families is this; Jahaiz is Sunnah because Prophet Muhammed Pbuh gave his daughter, Syedna Fatima RA, a date-leaf bed quilt, two cooking pots, a chakki and a Mashkeezah. Researching this topic I found out that he even gave her a house! Jahaiz-supporters say that these things when translated into today’s time automatically become a bed set, sofa set, oven, microwave, dinner set, cooking utensils, chopper, grinder, juicer, water cooler, fridge, air conditioner, heater, carpet, curtains, washing-machine, television, plot and a car. Hmmm, well I agree that when Syedna Fatima RA’s Jahaiz be translated into today’s times, it would transform into modern items, although the domains have been expanded much and newer domains have been added. Okay, perhaps the expansion and addition is also kosher by analogical deduction. Yet, I will prove the unauthenticity of the so-called Jahaiz of our society.
First of all, I will introduce some current technical terminologies in this regard, although all of them are not practiced everywhere or altogether. There is the dowry, the Jahaiz, which the bride is supposed to bring along to her new home. There is the dower, the Haq-Mehar, generally cash, which the bridegroom is supposed to gift to the bride. And there is the bride-price, which the bridegroom is supposed to give to the bride’s chaperon in a way of purchasing the bride. In Islam, bride-price is haram, forbidden, Haq-Mehr is farz, obligatory, and the quest of Jahaiz goes on.
We see that Prophet Muhammed Pbuh took care of fifteen women in his life, four were his daughters and eleven were his wives. He gave dower to his wives and his daughters received dowers, from their husbands. However, with the exception of Syedna Fatima RA, he did not give dowry to any of his daughters nor did any of his wives brought along any dowry, with an interesting exception which we will talk about some other day.
Why was that? Why did he give dowry to only Syedna Fatima RA and not to any of his other daughters? Why did not his wives bring along dowry? What specialty did Syedna Fatima RA hold?
The specialty was Syedna Ali RA.
Syed Ali RA was Prophet Muhammed’s Pbuh paternal uncle, Abu Talib’s son and his cousin. Abu Talib adopted Prophet Muhammed Pbuh when he was an orphan and later Prophet Muhammed Pbuh adopted Syedna Ali RA when Abu Talib passed away.
It seems as if Prophet Muhammed Pbuh provided for Syedna Ali and Fatima RA in the position of Syedna Ali’s foster father and not the bride’s father. There is no other reason for which Syedna Fatima RA could be set apart from the other women in Prophet Muhammed’s life.
And it is so logical. It is so logical for the boy (or the boy’s family if the boy is too young or not self-sufficient) to provide for the newly wedded couple. In Islam and our society, the man is the bread-winner. Consider a man having four daughters and another man having four sons. If we follow the mindless trend of the bride bringing along dowry with herself, then the father of the four daughters would have to work sweat and blood to amass four dowry bulks. While if it is considered the rightful duty of the man, then each of the four sons can earn for themselves and put together a household each, which makes a much lighter and logical burden on each person. Or, even if their father provides for them at the time of the marriage, then each of the sons can later pay back their father when they are well established financially. It is simple mathematics.
However, this would be so boring. We want to celebrate the birth of a son completely and without the taste of any other medicine. It is so boosting to have a baby boy when we envision him earning for us thirty years down the line and his wife bringing in stuff to fill the house when we want to get him married. Tuch-tuch.
It is also cynically amazing that when people demand dowry, either blatantly (flashing a list) or latently (saying ‘whatever you please’), they say that they have nothing to do with the stuff and everything is for the girl’s new home. Hey but where is the new home? Boys generally do not have their own homes at the time of marriage and people are rarely capable of giving houses in dowry, so at the end of the day all the new stuff for a ‘new home’ goes into replacing worn out furniture and machinery of the boy’s family home.
The last confusion of this tangle would be to ask that if dowry is unsanctioned by Islam, why did not Islam forbid and say haram to ‘gifts’ being given to the bride from her side of the family. It is simply because gifts and dowry are two different things. Dowry refers to basic essentials of living, e.g. fridge, washing-machine, sofa-set, etc, while gifts are generally small, surplus, luxury items; another dress, another jewellery set, another pair of shoes, and so on. And it would have been very unnatural and irrelevant to forbid gifts to daughters at any point in time. Sons and daughters, whether married or unmarried, both are entitled to gifts from their parents, and with equality, to the extent that Prophet Muhammed Pbuh once asked a man to take back his gift to his son because he had given the gift to only one of his children and not to others.
To conclude, dowry is not just Sunnah, but Wajib, but is a compulsion upon the boy, not the girl. It is the boy’s responsibility to arrange for the living of the new couple, whether he does it on his own or with his parent’s support. Do not call the gifts you are giving to your daughter, dowry, as you are endorsing an unIslamic concept. The girl’s families, where they can, should place themselves in the questioning position rather than the answering position as to what the girl will be provided rather than what the girl will provide. I know it is difficult to imagine this order, but we need to put in an effort to correct the system and it is in practice in the Arab world today. If all girl’s families unite on this stance, the boy’s families will have no choice but to behave because after all, all boys need to get married.
“All women, other than these, are lawful provided you seek them in marriage with your property (dowry), desiring chastity and not lust. Give them their dower as an obligation for the benefit you receive from your marriage relationship.”
[The Holy Quran, [4] Surah An-Nisaa, Verse 24]
