In a most recent uproar of a Pakistani drama popularity and controversy, Mere Paas Tum Ho, play writer Qamar has shocked quite a few, including myself. I am not just shocked, but so angry and so incensed. My reply is not just to Qamar, but to the Qamar ideology that plagues all the male chauvinistic pigs, the majority of whom like to reside in the East. I say that it has shocked quite a few and not a lot, because sickeningly, a lot of our Eastern women are also kosher to the male chauvinism, which is in fact the cause of the problem. We mothers, breed little chauvinistic pigs, and then complain of it only when the brunt of it burns myself, my mother, my sister, my cousin, my friend or my daughter … and if the female is on the other side of the fence, I become a smug preacher of male chauvinism, quoting religious quotes out of context or being selective about difference of opinion in Islamic concepts and being adamant about my opinion.
It was interesting to see the pain in Qamar’s eyes, when he was talking about the infidelity of a woman. A pain that comes from being an extremely sensitive person or having personally been bitten by the ailment itself. Ah! Now you know the pain of infidelity ? I am talking to men in general. I am talking to all of you. I am talking to the bad men and the good men. I am talking to the men who do not cheat on their wives but nonetheless carry a halo on their heads as if they have done a favor to their wife by staying loyal to her. Because our Eastern society gives all the green signals to our Muslim men that it is okay to cheat. Some even go as far as saying that Allah Almighty has created man prone to flirting and cheating because he can never be satisfied by one woman. And that is why Islam has allowed four wives to one man. Well, Mr. Macho! Whose libido is insatiable by one woman, let me remind you of a few good men, long before you, who were more of a man than you, in every sense of the word, manhood. Prophet Adam AS had one wife, Mother Hawa AS. Although at that time, there was a dearth for human reproduction, and Allah Almighty could have easily given him at least seven wives, to be placed in each of the seven continents and start off the world. But no, Allah Almighty did not, because the original recipe of a marital relationship is one to one, one man and one woman. The rest of the arrangements are disaster management situations. Zooming ahead from the first prophet to the last prophet, Prophet Muhammed SAW. He had one wife, Mother Khadijah AS, by personal choice. Even in the last days, when Prophet Muhammed SAW was fifty years-old and Mother Khadijah RA was sixty-five, he was happy with Mother Khadijah RA. In fact, the year she died, Prophet Muhammed SAW heartfelt it as the Year of Sorrow.
Compare this to the half-baked machos of today. The man of today would surely marry another woman when his first wife hits fifty, then a third when she hits sixty-five and the fourth one when she dies at sixty-five, to complete the ‘religious package’, celebration at heart and solace to show to the public. Another popular Urdu writer, Mustansar Hussain Tarar, writes in one of his posts ‘of course when a man is young, he yearns that his wife should die so that he can get another wife …’ Speechless! How would a man feel, if his father says the same about his mother ? Or his brother-in-law says about his sister? Or his son-in-law says about his daughter? In fact, I feel sorry. I feel pity. Not for the wife of such a person but for the man himself. He is so shallow, and worthless, in relationships. The man who is always drooling for another woman, does not know that he is also as unimportant for his wives as they are to him. Once the emotional bonding is amiss, the cat fight is only for securing more or at least an equal share of wealth for self and one’s lot of children. Because when the soul is left thirsty, the body becomes hungry. Hungry, to fulfill the spiritual wanting by material stuffing. While the man feels that they are fighting over him. Ha!
Coming back to Qamar. He says that he is very hurt, that every morning, a man leaves his home for work, entrusting everything he owns in his wife’s fist, and after him, she opens that fist and betrays him. Well, Mr. Qamar! We women also send out our men, entrusting them with the same trust, and he is found flirting around in his office. Worse, out of office! Didn’t you hear about the first divorce case registered after 9/11? Or are your ears for the woes of men only? A wife called her husband in hysterical concern, ‘Honey, are your okay?’. Her husband had worked in the Twin Towers. And the news had just come on that the Twin Towers had been hit. Her husband had left for ‘work’ about an hour ago. Since he had not been in his office, nor in a café with the TV on, but busy with another woman, he had no idea what had happened. Hence, he was caught cheating! And divorced!
But that was America. Had this happened here in the East, the wife would have been told to bear her husband’s cheating with the good patience of a ‘good’ woman. In fact, now that the deed had been done, the cheating husband and cheating second woman should baptize their cheating relationship by the wand of polygamy. No body would say that the two should be punished and stoned to death as is the ruling of Islam in such a case. And if a blame game is to start, the Accused #1 would be the second woman as to why she accepted a married man’s advances? Accused #2 would be the first wife as to why does she not dress up like a hooker to keep her husband hooked on to herself, other than mothering his children and parents? Accused #3 might or might not be the husband. It depends on which part of Pakistan you live in. And what does Islam say? Every verse of the Holy Quran, especially the ones educating about modesty, marital relationships and illicit relationship punishments, begin with addressing men first and women second. Just like if there is a mayor in a city, and a deputy, the mayor is held responsible first.
Mr. Qamar, you cursed women, such a woman who betrays her husband. Your curse was incomplete and extremely chauvinistic. You misquoted the Quran and I wish you had learnt from the Quran to be inclusive about both men and women. We also curse. We curse the cheating men and the cheating women. And we think that a woman who leaves her husband for a richer husband is as much of a female-dog as a man who leaves his wife for a greater beauty is a dog !
